One Too Many
by Xue1
Summary: ZL sap. See, it all starts in this scuzzy little bar out in the middle of nowhere.... Oneshot.


Disclaimer: I do not own Lina, Zelgadis, or Slayers.

One Too Many 

All right, so I'm cleaning up about a week ago, getting ready to go home, and it's that time of night when all the customers are gone except the ones who're passed out. Anyways, I'm putting all the bottles away, wiping down the bar – you know the routine – and I see that I've got one customer left. That's a bit weird cuz it's the middle of the week and about two in the morning, so I take another look, and sure enough, there's a guy sitting at one of the back tables, all cloaked and hooded like he's going out into a snowstorm, you know?

            Well, I can't remember serving this guy anything all night, and like I said, all the other customers have gone home, so I figure, "What the hell," and ask him if he wants a drink. 

            Well, he comes up to the counter and says he'll take a coffee if I have it. That's a little unusual – not many people come in here for a caffeine kick, if you get my drift – but what kind of bar would I run if I couldn't get you any drink you wanted whenever you wanted it?

            So I say, "Sure," and go to fix him his coffee. And all the while I'm fixing it, I'm watching him out of the corner of my eye, cuz he's nothing like my usual clientele. And then I see him slumping at the counter with his head in his hands and I think to myself, "OK, maybe he is." I seen enough miserable guys in my time to know he's one of 'em, so I dump a little brandy – the good stuff, you know – into his coffee when he's not looking. 

            So I give him his cup of joe, and he brings the thing up to his lips, and right before he takes a gulp, he says, "This is spiked." So I say, "Yeah. Looked like you could use it. If you want, I'll get you another." And he shrugs and says, "No, this is fine," and takes a sip – not real big, but not real little, either.

            Then I sit myself down on the other side of the counter – cuz I got nothing better to do and it's two AM and I don't have any other customers – and pretty soon he's telling me about this girl who's driving him crazy.

            Doesn't say any of the usual stuff the love-struck ones give me – none of that beautiful as the sun and the moon and the stars crap. No, he never says anything about her looks at all. He does tell me she's insatiably greedy, tough as boot leather, and has one helluva right hook. And you can tell she drives him up the wall sometimes, but the poor sap is just delighted that she pays enough attention to him to go to the trouble of getting on his nerves. 

            Well, we're just getting to the part where he says, "But I love her anyways, dammit all to hell, and I'm damned if I know how she feels about me," when the door _slams_ open, and in stomps this little tiny bit of a girl with red, red hair. She marches right up to my last customer (who's pretty well in his cups now – the hot stuff gets to you much faster than the cold will) and yanks his hood down, and then I can see that this guy is _nothing_ like my run-of-the-mill clientele, but what I'm thinking is: "No way…the poor guy's fallen for the Dra-matta?" 

            Well, now she's got him by the ear and she's whacking him over the head with a slipper and screeching at the top of her lungs.

            "Zelgadis, you stuck-up son of a bitch! You know how long we spent looking for you?! Looking all over the city when we could have been somewhere nice and cozy with lots of food! We thought you might have gotten killed or something, and here you are, sitting in a smelly bar, halfway out of your head! Gods_dammit_, you're a pain in the ass!"

            Just like that.

            And she goes on, and on, and on, till finally, still holding Zelgadis' ear and still yelling loud enough to wake the dead, she turns and heads for the door, dragging him with her. 

            So as soon as her back's turned, I catch his eye, and mouth "She likes you." He looks absolutely astounded for one second, and then the Dra-matta slams the door shut and that's the last I seen of 'em. 

            And that's why my sign now reads: "Zelgadis Greywords Got Smashed Here."

            If he wants me to take it down, he can give me what he owes for that coffee. 

            ***********

            AN: Here you go. Compensation for the delayed chapter of Hit the Ground Running.  


End file.
